This isn’t a new story, but does anyone remember the geezer at Newcastle airport who earlier this year tried to take some of his beloved pease pudding onto a plane as hand luggage? The Guardian covered it like this:

“Airport staff issued a security warning after a passenger tried to carry pease pudding on to a plane. The traditional northern snack – made from boiled split peas and ham fat – was confiscated from hand luggage at Newcastle International airport. It was part of the 450 litres of banned liquids seized by staff each day, including suntan lotion and jars of Marmite. Chris Davis, the head of operations, said it was costing the airport a fortune in recycling and waste disposal. He said: “We’re asking our customers to make sure they’re aware of what can and can’t be taken through the security search in their hand luggage”

Anyway, why am I mentioning this now? Well, after running into that news article again this week, it reminded me of a weekend I spent in South West France a couple of years ago. I say weekend – it was more like a full week after our flight home was delayed by 3 days because of a mad fog on the runway.

I said fog, not frog.

But not only was the flight delayed, we had to catch it from a completely different airport entirely, namely Pau – which is the local airport that also serves the famous – and highly religious – town of Lourdes. So religious in fact, that I’m not exaggerating when I say that around 75% of the passengers on our flight were in full squad regalia – cassocks, habits, robes, dog collars, the lot.

Oh, and every last one of them was carrying a great big 4-gallon container of Lourdes Water. Yes, as hand luggage. And yes, straight through the security checks.

So, we have some hapless guy from the toon getting pulled up by the plod because he’s carrying a simple pot of the North’s finest yellow split pea and ham fat delicacy… yet flight after flight leaves Pau airport 24 hours a day with thousands of potential religious lunatics wedging gallons and gallons of a colourless liquid in unsealed screwtop containers into the plane’s overhead lockers – each one unchecked, untested, and as far as we know, full of hydrazoic bloody acid.

Which brings me to my point. Some people would much rather risk being subject to a rapid and violent oxidation reaction that produces large amounts of the kind of hot gas that strips your entire body of skin before peeling a hole in the fuselage just big enough to suck you through before dumping you in the North Sea from 18,000 feet… than share a confined space with someone eating the pudding of kings.

Y’know… I just can’t quite understand it. I love the stuff.

And it all means that the security guard at the airport who binned the pease pudding was clearly NOT a Northerner.

By Barry Bell on October 20, 2009